50 Portraits – Portrait #14

Portraits

50-Portraits

I was hoping to get at least three more portraits on this location because I had travelled about 30 kms but plans changed.  Thankfully this friend stayed put.

Lets get the tech out of the way.  Camera (Canon 1100d) settings were f4.5, 1/125, ISO200 with flash on a softbox with 1/8 of the power in manual mode.

When I have someone in front of the camera there’re several side thoughts/distractions that are pulling me away from the shoot.  I start to think I’m a fake.  I don’t know what I’m doing.  I’m fooling myself by telling myself that I’m an artist when I can’t create a damn picture while this person is trusting me for a great image.  I’m fooling myself when I think I can pull off a photo I have in mind when in reality all I can come up with are the expected or rather predictable shots of an interesting subject.  I start to feel I’m failing my subjects.  Are they thinking I’m wasting their time? They probably don’t expect much from me either but they trust me when I tell them we’ll create something good.  And that’s when I’m putting myself under pressure because deep down I’m scared as hell.  I don’t know if I’ll actually pull it off.  But I know I want to.  I want to give it a shot even if I fail.  I’d rather fail than not trying.  But I don’t want to start with the failure as backup plan.  I start with will to win it.

All these things are going through my mind while I try to pull myself back, keeping sraight face trying to convey a confident look like I know what I’m doing.  While inside there’s a storm building up trying to kill me.  I tell myself – This is it.  Either I do it or die doing it.  I recall everything I’ve learned so far and apply it. What could work and what will keeping the person in front of me engaged.  In the end, I do end up with that one shot that feels authentic.  Because I stayed my ground.

 

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